I am in love with the thought of being in love. When I fall, I fall hard. And when I say I’ll ride for you, I will. If I said I’ll take care of you, I will. I stick to my words, unlike many people. I don’t want to do it again. But I know it’s because I’m scared.
Or is it because I know no one deserves my big heart?
So, back to this independent life.
This is how I’m liking it.

I am so ready to go back to Kingston. I am getting sick of the city life to be honest. There’s too much on my mind and I just want to be away from home for now. This summer has been great so far but I realized I’m not truly happy here. I think I’m so upset about how my first year of college went. I wish I had opened up to more people and worked harder in my classes. I was depressed for my first semester in college and although I got better, all that the depression did was backfire at my second semester. I am regretful for not talking to more people and accepting new opportunities. Don’t get me wrong, I had lots of fun during second semester but it was with the two people that I already knew for years. During my weakest points when I broke down, they still managed to put a smile on my face. Tears and all. “You’re so strong”, they’d tell me. “I don’t know how you’re doing it but you are so strong. I’d be crying everyday”, they’d tell me. I guess I am strong. I can get through anything as long as I give myself time and think positively…and especially with my great support system. I can get through anything with them. My family and best friend. They treat me wonderfully. And I thank them for helping me during my darkest times. I’m ready to start again. To start a new chapter in my life and make new memories with new friends. Hopefully I will become very close to these new people. Sooo many cuties at URI doeeeee. Now’s my chance to mack lol. And hopefully I do really well in my classes and get good grades. I will continue to be strong and independent. And you can continue watching me. I fucking deserve to be happy.

People leave the good in search of finding something better. But sometimes they are out of luck and find something somewhat worse. They are searching for what they already had right in front of them without even realizing. But it’s too late to reverse anything. People take things for granted way too much. You always want what you can’t have. 

I think I had way too much fun last week. All I did was hang out with my guy friends and get messed up everyday. I really let myself go last week. But I kind of needed it. I needed to not give a fuck for a bit and just simply have fun. That’s the only time I get to distract my thoughts and feelings even though it isn’t the healthy way. All I know is, I had a good time forgetting about everything. But unfortunately, I am coming to the realization that you can’t run away from your problems. It’ll only come back to screw you up.