I just need some weed or a good couple hours at the gym. I know those two things are really opposite of each other but they both relieve my stress equally. But I get bitched at for stepping out of the house so… What now? Can’t even relieve stress without coming back to be stressed again.
I am in love with the thought of being in love. When I fall, I fall hard. And when I say I’ll ride for you, I will. If I said I’ll take care of you, I will. I stick to my words, unlike many people. I don’t want to do it again. But I know it’s because I’m scared.
Or is it because I know no one deserves my big heart?
So, back to this independent life.
This is how I’m liking it.
People leave the good in search of finding something better. But sometimes they are out of luck and find something somewhat worse. They are searching for what they already had right in front of them without even realizing. But it’s too late to reverse anything. People take things for granted way too much. You always want what you can’t have.
I think I had way too much fun last week. All I did was hang out with my guy friends and get messed up everyday. I really let myself go last week. But I kind of needed it. I needed to not give a fuck for a bit and just simply have fun. That’s the only time I get to distract my thoughts and feelings even though it isn’t the healthy way. All I know is, I had a good time forgetting about everything. But unfortunately, I am coming to the realization that you can’t run away from your problems. It’ll only come back to screw you up.
Look what happens when I keep everything bottled up to myself. Something I usually don’t do…hardly ever do. Something I’m not used to. And I’ve been doing it for months. I feel like a bomb that’s about to explode.